2011年6月22日 星期三

謎底揭曉

記得我說過那個田徑場的女生嗎

我今天走出來吃飯時碰巧遇到她了
(我今天碰巧遇到超多人,不知道是不是期末所以大家都在學校附近遊蕩)

她在路邊等人的樣子,一直來回小範圍走動
我走過去十公尺以後,停下來猶豫要不要問她,然後就走回去問了

結果揭曉,她不是化生系的,也不是研究生
她是哲學系大二的
證明我不總是猜對
我的直覺還要再磨練磨練

婀…我不是想搭訕什麼,我覺得當一個人有明確那樣的想法時,那種攻擊性就變得很強烈了
我還是對這種攻擊性很猶豫擔心,所以…不是那樣的
妳懂的

2011年6月20日 星期一

Strindberg's Idea of Reaching Salvation: Transcending and Struggling through Desires in Miss Julie and A Dream Play

結構寫好了,卻沒有照著完成。總是虎頭蛇尾



Reading Drama of the Fin de Siècle

Jun 20 Monday 2011

Strindberg's Idea of Reaching Salvation: Transcending and Struggling through Desires in Miss Julie and A Dream Play

August Strindberg (1849-1912) has suffered thought out his life. His ultimate interest is reaching his personal salvation. Strindberg’s misogyny came from his hatred toward his parents. He thinks his servant mother does not suit his father. The thought of finding a perfect woman haunted him through out his life. He had divorced three times, tried to commit  suicide, and was sent into a mental asylum. His continuous quest of perfection and salvation, along with his sensitivity has enabled him to create those plays. I want to use Strindberg’s two plays: Miss Julie (1888) and The Dream Play (1902) to find out the difference between his early and late idea of salvation. Fourteen years have made Strindberg matured and mild. The two plays show that he had reached reconciliation with God and people in his final years. Agnes is mild and merciful, unlike Miss Julie’s “no way out .”

In Miss Julie (1888), the idea of salvation is obvious: one must realize himself, fulfilling his desires though it might be disastrous. In The Dream Play (1902), Agnes is a character from high class. She is God Indra’s daughter, descends on earth to experience the pang of human beings. She lives like an ordinary woman,  got married and gave birth to her child. She never asks for privilege and tasted the contradiction and indecision of humans thoroughly. Agnes does not ask for her safety from her father God Indra’s patriarchy protection. But Julie does, she often takes her father’s power as a protective umbrella, and abuses it to satisfy her own desires.

There are many similarities between the two plays. Both female protagonists come from a higher class. Agnes is Indra’s daughter, while Miss Julie is the count’s daughter. The patriarchy power is ubiquitous through out the two plays, but the two daughters have completely different attitude toward this fact. The fathers in both plays never show up. God Indra only talks to his daughter at the beginning of A Dream Play, without really appears. Count left his frock coat and boots at home, and at the end of Miss Julie, the ringing bell signifies another presence of count.  There are also juxtaposition in both plays. Ugly lawyer as Agnes’ husband and footman Jean as Julie’s temp lover. Agnes walked into the burning castle to return to heaven and Julie wished to go to heaven through her suicide.

Jean [awake]: Thank you. I’m going to rest! But just tell me - that those who are first can also receive the gift of grace. Say it, even if you don’t believe it.

Jean: The first? No, I can’t! - But wait - Miss Julie - now I know! You’re no longer among the first - you’re among - the last!

Julie: That’s true. - I’m among the very last. I’m the last one of all! Oh! - But now I can’t go! - Tell me once more to go!

But Agnes is fully awake and knew what she needs to do. A true salvation is derived through her death.

Daughter: Our parting comes, and the end as well;

farewell, child of man, you the dreamer,

you the poet who best understand living;

on wings hovering above the earth,

you dive at times into the dust

not to stay in it but to touch it!

…...

Now when I’m going...in the moment of parting

When one must part from a friend, a place,

how our longing for what one has loved rises

and regret what one has broken...

Now I feel all the agony of being,

that’s how it’s to be a human being...

One misses even what one has not valued,

one regrets even what one has not broken...

One wants to leave, and one wants to stay...

So the halves of the heart are torn apart,

and feelings are torn as between horses

by contradiction, indecision, disharmony...

…...

Farewell! Tell your fellows I remember them,

where I‘m now going, and in your name

I shall bear their complaints to the throne.

Farewell!

Compare Julie’s final words to Agnes’ before her leaving the world, we find that Julie’s indecision and her need for an patriarchal order is the cause of her tragedy. Though she claimed her right to exert her will and her power over the servants at the beginning of the play, she still fell into stound after she had sex with Jean. Her indecision is the result her her mother’s failure on setting a matriarchy order in the house, since then she had great doubt on her role as a woman. This is related to her impossibility of loving his father and getting his consent to explore the world freely. Her mother had tried that but the plan failed miserably. Miss Julie as a daughter, however innocent, feel guilty and feel obliged to be the responsible for her mother’s wrong doings. At the time Strindberg wrote this play, his marriage with Siri von Essen is withering. His autobiography The Son of a Servant also reveals his first marriage with this aristocratic woman Siri von Essen. Miss Julie is the partial reflection of Strindberg’s life with Siri von Essen.

Agnes is full of wisdom, mercy of understanding. Her positive attitude and acceptance of human imperfection makes her receive real salvation. It is different from Julie’s escapism. The castle symbolized the body of human being, each of us is lock within the castle. When the castle is ruined, the “mortal” Agnes is dead and her soul is freed, retuening to her father God Indra in the heaven. In the end of A Dream Play, as the castle burns, it shows a wall of tortured human faces, and “a flower bud on the roof bursts into a gigantic chrysanthemum.” Agnes promises to bring people’s messages to her father’s throne, but Julie only wanted to escape from the result of her seduction.

Strindberg portrays different female protagonists. Agnes and Julie have huge difference in personality and their relation to their fathers. Agnes received Indra’s full consent to explore the earth, to see if human beings’ complaints are justified. But Julie did not have the consent to play with the servants. She danced with servants when her father is not home and when it was a special day, the midsummer eve. It is the time when the class is temporary canceled, so Julie has the chance to “descend to earth.”

In both plays, the consent of the father is critical to his daughter. The daughter shall be free from burden so that they could freely explore their roles as a women and as ordinary people. Agnes never takes her father’s power or position as a shield to protect herself from possible hurts, or abuse patriarchal power as a tool to rule others. As the daughter of God Indra, she voluntarily married to ugly and emotional wounded poor lawyer. In their family, she strikes to find a balance of developing her desires and keeping others unhurt at the same time, though she finally figures out it’s utterly impossible for human beings. Whenever she finds the fact of human dilemma, she utters “Human beings are to be pitied!” Agnes decided to find her personal salvation and left her husband and child behind. Although her husband reminds her of her responsibility as a mother and a wife, she answered she has higher duty to accomplish first. This is similar to Henrik Ibsen’s A Doll House (1879).

Julie’s chaotic childhood experience makes her sway between matriarchy and patriarchy. Her father had reestablished the house, secured her life. But she still hates her father unconsciously. For she hates her father had installed patriarchal ideas in her mind. Her hysterical confession reveals her suffering:

“I have not a thought of my own!”

Julie has been living a double standard life since then. If Julie wants to exert her will, she must bear the responsibility and risk. Her words confirmed the dilemma of being a daughter brought up in confusion:

She wanted to bring me up as a child of nature, and, what’s more, to learn everything a boy had to learn, so that I might be an example of how a woman can be as good as a man. I had to wear boy’s clothes and learn to take care of horses, but I was never allowed in the cowshed.

Julie was never allowed in the cowshed, and this is the metaphor of her inability of getting the consent from her parents, to freely experience the world, to descend to earth. She’s protected under her father’s power but she wanted to exert her matriarchy will without bearing responsibility. Jean had warned her that she is not insured, but Julie kept played with fire, seducing him, trying to break through the fence her parents set for her. After they mated she told Jean to address her Julie, but her quest was refused by Jean.

Julie [shy; very feminine]: “Miss!” - Call me Julie! There are no barriers between us any more. Call me Julie!

Jean [tormented]: I can’t! There’ll always be barriers between us as long as we stay in this house. - There’s the past and there’s the Count.

Agnes, however, bears the full risk and responsibility of being a human. She does not ask for privilege or protection from her father. Her words are sincere, her acts selfless. She even took the doorkeeper’s shawl to reveal her burden. Marilyn Johns Blackwell wrote in her “Strindberg's Early Dramas and Lacan's 'Law of the Father'”

The primary goal of the Symbolic stage of development is a separation from the mother and an identification with the name or law of the father. For Lacan, the father is equivalent to the principle of law.

Father plays an important role in family. He is the ruler of his kingdom. His permission / consent for his children is the key for their salvation. That is, the pursing of true happiness, the realization of personal quest. Strindberg challenges God throughout his life, he had lost religious belief several times. But before his death he took the Bible and said “this is the truth of the world.” I think it is the best answer for his quest. Agnes represents his quest for salvation. Miss Julie is his early stage as a person who can’t find a way out. Strindberg has indeed lived his life and gave us the example of how we shall reach reconciliation with God and our people as early as possible. Because this is the way of reaching salvation and happiness, this is the truth of the world.

Bibliography

Als, Hilton. Rev. “THE GREAT DIVIDE.” New Yorker 81.15 (2005): 92-3.

Anon: "Writing Daughters: August Strindberg's Other Voices" Scandinavian Review 97.3 (2010): 88.

Blackwell, Marilyn Johns. "Strindberg's Early Dramas and Lacan's 'Law of the Father'." Scandinavian Studies 71.3 (1999): 311-24.

Burnham, Donald L. "Restitutional Functions of Symbol and Myth in Strindberg's Inferno." Psychiatry: Interpersonal & Biological Processes 72.2 (2009): 117-29.

Coiner, Miles. “Myth, style and Strindberg in Sjoberg's Miss Julie.” Literature Film Quarterly 19.1 (1991): 12.

Ficalora, Dominique. “The Scream of Miss Julie.” Symptom Iss.8 (2007): 1-6.

Hartman, Murray. "Desire under the Elms: In the Light of Strindberg's Influence." American Literature: A Journal of Literary History, Criticism, and Bibliography 33.3 (1961): 360-69.

Kanfer, Stefan. “Why Stringberg Wasn't Ibsen.” New Leader 84.6 (2001): 53-55.

Karlsson, Mats. "Writing Madness: Deranged Impressions in Akutagaw's 'Cogwheels' and Strindberg's Inferno." Comparative Literature Studies 46.4 (2009): 618-44.

Krutch, Joseph Wood. Rev. of The Dream Play. Nation 122.3161 (1926): 122-23.

Lally, M.L.K. “Strindberg's MISS JULIE.” Explicator 48.3 (1990): 196.

Mussari, Mark. "'Färg, färg!': Strindberg's Chromatic Language in Ett drömspel." Scandinavian Studies 77.4 (2005): 479-500.

Rösing, Lilian Munk. "An Ethics of Skin and Gender." Nora: Nordic Journal of Women's Studies 10.3 (2002): 147-53.

Stenberg, Peter A. “Servants of Two Masters: Strindberg and Hofmannsthal.” Modern Language Review 70. 1975: 820-29.

Stockenström, Göran. "The Dilemma of Naturalistic Tragedy: Strindberg's Miss Julie."  Kalamazoo 38.1 (2004): 39-57.

Myth Busted!

作者  karst10607 (A reckless soul)                         看板  fall-cicada
標題  Myth busted!
時間  Mon Jun 20 13:00:02 2011

我一直想問賣滷味的年輕情侶檔的事情
就在剛才的午餐和兩個交換生的談話裡面
破解了!!


原來他們不是情侶檔
只是老闆和工讀生的關係
這工讀生也常常更換,而我卻一直以為是同一個女生


因為其中一個交換生常常去吃,所以他跟老闆很熟
我在這裡每天晚上幾乎都看到這個攤位,卻從來沒去問
整整一年都沒去問


我問另一個交換生(在謎底揭曉之前),怎麼問比較合宜
他很聰明就分析了,我這個問題可能根本不是問題
果然謎底揭曉以後,是個偽命題


總之,太詭異了
現在我的迷思和錯誤觀點破除的速度越來越快了
這也養成一個可能的習慣了,以後我會用最快速度去破除疑問和迷思
人文的東西就是,你如果能走過去問當事者,就可以得到答案了
我們反而太習慣把自己關起來,自己胡思亂想一套理論和故事
把自己狹隘的人生經驗和苦痛和這個幻想編織起來,以為這就是事情的真相


很多時候是因為這些作家都死了幾百年了,你只能從他的日記或別人對他的描述來猜想
沒辦法當面問他
可是就在我身邊的小攤位,我竟然也用這種心態去猜想
果然我的治學方法錯了


這些交換生破除了我的迷思,就在一瞬間而已
這果然是有天意

這也告訴我們田野考察和實地調查的重要性
人不是蝸居書房和圖書館就能得知天下真相的
So Go and ask the girl if she likes you - GO!

The ending words of A Dream Play

2011年6月20日 2:28

史特林堡(1849-1912)的「夢幻劇」(1902)寫得很好。
我才發現看作品絕對不能只看該作者早期的作品,因為即使早期的寫作技巧已經純熟,但思想不成熟或有誤解人生之處,寫出來的東西會很可怕。
把A Dream Play拿來對比Miss Julie(1888),這兩個史特林堡的劇本,搭配他特殊的人生來看。就知道史特林堡的瘋狂追尋救贖和痛苦終於平緩下來了。
一生的三次結婚三次離婚(都是女明星或貴族之女),送進瘋人院,自殺,搞鍊金術和通靈,以一個劇作家的身份名氣地位大起大落。

他終於得到他要的救贖了嗎?我想是接近了。
只有停止和神的戰爭才有可能獲得救贖。在史特林堡晚年他才明白這個道理。

A Dream Play裡面另一段母親對小時候的軍官說的箴言,軍官到了年過五十才能參透,才能放下對生命中不順遂的怨恨和對理想愛侶的幾十年長期癡迷,從年復一年的失敗/失望輪迴中解放出來。原因就在於他抓住仇恨太緊了,把自己困在幻想的理想世界的牢籠裡面。

Mother: Just this: Never quarrel with God!
Officer: What do you mean, Mother?
Mother: Don't go about feeling mistreated by life.

我想母親的這兩句話就是關鍵。不要覺得上帝虧欠你什麼,也不要和他爭論冷戰。


Agnes 離去前的話蠻像一個畢業生的心情。應該說像任何人類的心情,史特林堡已經懂得人類的矛盾和掙扎,而獲得救贖的方式就是保持和神的對話(信心)、和人類同胞 的妥協扶持。已經不像早期他的劇本裡,Miss Julie和Jean覺得唯一的解脫方式就是Julie自殺,才能逃避女主人和僕人發生關係的羞愧,他們兩個都只能暫時用the last shall be the fisrt來掩蓋他們不信神,犯錯時的恐慌。史特林堡已經懂得人類的犯錯和自私是必然的,只有盡早和神(人類同胞)妥協才能得救。

Jean [awake]: Thank you. I’m going to rest! But just tell me - that those who are first can also receive the gift of grace. Say it, even if you don’t believe it.
Jean: The first? No, I can’t! - But wait - Miss Julie - now I know! You’re no longer among the first - you’re among - the last!
Julie: That’s true. - I’m among the very last. I’m the last one of all! Oh! - But now I can’t go! - Tell me once more to go!

Agnes是天神的女兒,自願下凡當人類,體驗人的苦難欲望種種困境。最後捨去自己生命,她是真的帶著人類的痛苦和願望回到天庭了。離去前她已經透漏了人類得救的玄機。

Poet: A struggle , then?
Daughter: Struggle between opposites generates power, just as fire and water produce steam...
詩人接著問peace和rest怎麼得到
她卻說天機不可洩漏,不能再回答了。 她要趕著回到天上了。

在Agnes走入燃燒的城堡之前,她是這麼說的:
Our parting comes, and the end as well;
farewell, child of man, you the dreamer,
you the poet who best understand living;
on wings hovering above the earth,
you dive at times into the dust
not to stay in it but to touch it!
…...
Now when I’m going...in the moment of parting
When one must part from a friend, a place,
how our longing for what one has loved rises
and regret what one has broken...
Now I feel all the agony of being,
that’s how it’s to be a human being...
One misses even what one has not valued,
one regrets even what one has not broken...
One wants to leave, and one wants to stay...
So the halves of the heart are torn apart,
and feelings are torn as between horses
by contradiction, indecision, disharmony...
…...
Farewell! Tell your fellows I remember them,
where I‘m now going, and in your name
I shall bear their complaints to the throne.
Farewell!


喔,其實這是我的期末報告的一部分。主體要寫五頁的英文。明天就要交。我希望我也能得到救贖。
幹,好累。可是我有種預感有許多不可思議的事情即將連續發生了。
我真希望我能早幾年就懂這些道理,不過按照輪迴觀來看,大概是註定要走過這些冤枉路,犯了錯,嘗試了所有爛方法和錯誤解, 花了十多年拜訪各地,聽了一千個無聊的笨蛋師長亂講一萬個他們自己也不相信的假理論和狹隘錯誤觀點以後才有可能明白。

我不是說人家的經驗沒用,只是我自己得先提昇到某個高度上以後才會突然發現哪些可用哪些不可用。
不然總是被拉來拖去,毫無主見又很容易被欺負被騙去當奴隸。

你們一定不知道我在說什麼,因為我是不可以說明白的。
說明白我就死了。
QQ,誰要當超級英雄來拯救我,快點啊

2011年6月19日 星期日

我可以作到

今天又是在惡夢中醒來
夢到的是畢業後的惶惑,就像高中畢業時
我不知道我的選擇是對是錯(我不知道我即將有大難臨頭…而且長達六年)
我就這麼突然嚇醒了

我有一陣子沒有做惡夢了,前鎮子睡得不錯
自從M的回答徹底讓我死心以後,我感到如釋重負
至少每天睡前或睡醒不會再想到M

我在驚嚇中刷牙洗臉,輕輕思考要是我當時高中畢業後發現我的選擇錯了
我有什麼最快最好的補救方式?可以走向正確的道路?

很快我就稍微寬心一點了
因為我知道以我當時的能力,要作到那些事情不難
要達到和現在相似的目的不難
只是我被別人的話和自己的認知蒙蔽了
所以多繞了一些路,多受了一些苦

我現在知道怎麼立即修正了,我有能力和經驗了
別慌,別怕。我一直都很不錯的,運氣能力個性都很不錯,只是不要再被蒙蔽了。
我絕對能化險為夷,逢凶化吉的

(不過想起來六年真是很長很可怕的折磨啊,如果從小算起來,那就更久,不只六年了)

不能再浪費

我發現我還保持著這種壞習慣

磨掉別人外層的氧化層,看到內部光澤以後
就什麼也不做,靜靜看著他氧化

我覺得我這樣實在太賤了,真的
不應該再這樣浪費所有人的時間和感情和生命力

我一定是因為這樣才遭受天譴,過了這麼多年悲慘的生活

這個是要修改的人生最優先事項


我會這麼做,有一個重要原因
那就是害怕後果,還有我不知道什麼叫「邪惡」

如果把看到光澤之後該做的動作統統當成「邪惡」
那我就真的很愚蠢了

因為在那之前我重複做的動作(磨掉別人外層的氧化層,接著就只是純觀察)
才是真的邪惡
我以為這樣沒有人會受到傷害,或是傷害很小可以忽略
其實這傷害很惱人的,而且長期下來是很痛苦很殘忍的
我竟然從來都不知道,而且我自己就是長期受害最深最嚴重的一個

我應該為我這樣的行為懺悔
我也已經吃足懲罰了

現在請給我重新救贖和參與別人生活的機會吧

2011年6月18日 星期六

畢業快樂!

我終於畢業了!真不可思議。
在中正的前兩年有三個學期我差點第三次被退學。
我對教育體系的失望,還有對世界的錯誤認知(不管那是怎麼灌入我頭腦裡的)是主要的原因
我找不到人回答我的問題,找不到相近或心儀的同類,拿不到自由發展的關鍵資源(其實是心智)

啊。花了六年讀完大學,換了三個學校,從電機換到機械再換到外文,差點又跨到戲劇。雖然我覺得我遲早會統合這一切的,越早越好。
從三上開始我的命運有了轉機。
尤其這大四下是神奇的一刻,有很多不可思議的事情發生了。沒有神意是不可能會發生這些事情的。

聽老梗的校長致詞或貴賓致詞時,我竟然有蠻大的感動。因為我知道他在講的是真的。
好吧,其實有太多感想了。
我得分很多天很多篇來講。

我今天最大的遺憾之一,是沒能多和幾個女同學或學妹合照
我就是太害羞了
我還有一週的時間可以彌補…也許可以補拍幾張合照

天氣好熱,我也沒好相機。穿著學士服拍照好痛苦,但值得。
我想是這過程讓一切都值得,而不是結果。
前幾天我回去看高中的畢業紀念冊,發現我總是有類似的情節發生。在任何好玩的事情或情苗即將開始時,我就緊張地把火苗熄滅掉。所以別人的觀感總是類似的:好像還沒開始,就被什麼給結束了(被我的緊張和自我保護機制)。不能理解我或熟識我很可惜,好像隔著迷霧或距離。

我覺得我快死了就是這樣。一個人如果認真過生活,很早就會發現長輩說的話裡面有許多是錯誤或完全不適用的。那麼他就能很早就脫離錯誤的認知。我想我太晚才體認到這點。

我會寫這些也是刻意的…我覺得總有某些時候,必須向自己和世界坦白作過的錯誤決定,才能真正向前走,改變未來往好的方向走去。一個人心底所想,口中所說,行動所做的要是能盡早統合,那真是最大幸福了。